I spend a lot of time studying how people communicate, and one of the most interesting things I notice is how much the effectiveness of communication depends on the recipient.

Some people like you to get straight to the point, and you’d better shut up quick when you get there or they’ll lose interest. Others need a more roundabout approach, with fifteen or twenty minutes spent inquiring about relatives, health, and extracurricular activities before you even think about broaching the topic in question.

Of course, it’s up to the communicator to adapt to the other person’s style. As they say in sales, if your customer doesn’t understand you, it’s your fault.

I was musing about this today to a colleague, and she responded that it’s often a cultural thing. “You tend to get straight to the point, so people label you as a ‘brash American.’”

Of course, we all know that different cultures have different customs. Nonetheless, there are certainly Americans who are brash (not me, though!) and Americans who ramble, laid-back Islanders and Islanders who cut to the chase. So what drives the difference? Is it in the DNA?

It’s clear that people who share similar communications styles fare better with each other. Someone who is in a rush can get mightily frustrated with someone who goes off on tangents. Is it always better to be the same, though, or is there merit to the ‘opposites attract’ idea?

On Fox News the other day there was a blurb about a dating service that matches people based on immune system DNA. They claim that ‘Nature’ wants us to mate with people who have different immune system DNA to ours, in the hopes that our immunity will broaden with the increased exposure. It may sound like a dubious proposition, but there’s a certain amount of logic.

So being the same can work, and it can not work. Ditto being different. What’s a girl to do?

What works is being aware. Paying attention to the people you’re speaking to and reading their reactions. Knowing yourself well enough to understand what characteristics your mate has to have. Realizing that the myriad manifestations of humanity are neither good nor bad, positive nor negative; they simply exist, and are all capable of being accommodated.

I would love to hear your cross-cultural communications stories.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 2nd, 2008 at 4:18 am and is filed under Genetics, People matter. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.